With National Best Friend Day approaching, let's take some time to dive into what to look for in a friend. Quick disclaimer, there is no magical list to guarantee a lifelong friendship, but if you are having trouble deciding who should be a friend or acquaintance, then this is for you!
We can't give our time and energy to everyone all the time, so it is important to value our friends and prioritize them over everybody. So how do we decide who is a friend and who isn't?
They check on you
Not everyone is great at keeping in touch, but if there is someone who is checking up on you, they are most likely a real one. If they take the time to message you or drop by, invite you out, etc. they are probably a good person to keep around! If the vibe matches, ensure you also reach out to them occasionally too. Put important dates in your calendar as reminders to also check in on them.
Checking in can also look different for many people. It could be memes or videos on social media, it can be a message or tag, it could be a letter, a phone call - some form of communication.
They pass the vibe check
Some friends will fulfill you, and some may emotionally or socially drain you, but you love to be around them. Both are valid and important friendships. If anyone makes you uncomfortable or makes comments you don't appreciate - that's not your friend! If someone you like is doing those things to you, be sure to talk to them about it. If they change their behavior - great! That's what friends do. No changed behavior? Bounce 'em.
They respect you
Someone who does not value your time, energy, and space? Not a good friend. Now, if you need to be called out, and they do so, different story. You don't want a "yes sir" as a friend. You want someone who will help you grow, call you out when necessary, and support you. It's so nice to be able to learn from someone.
Someone who shows up for you in your successes and losses is a top-tier friend. That is someone who you should make an effort to keep around.
They have different experiences
Connection isn't necessarily having the same experience as someone else. A "me too!" moment does feel great, but it's also important to have a few people with different experiences. You can still relate to others through emotions, even though you have never been through a situation. People with different perspectives and experiences are fantastic friends to learn from and grow with.
They don't try to change you
Now, everyone has room for growth and personal development is important. But if someone is constantly on your back saying you should do this, why don't you just do that - and this isn't advice you asked for - this know-it-all may not be your friend. Friends should value and enjoy you as a person.
Please keep in mind this differs from someone trying to point out destructive behavior or patterns they don't appreciate in the relationship. If a friend expresses to you that your being late all the time feels disrespectful to their time, and you continue to do said behavior, the other person has a right to be upset. They don't feel valued. Different conversation.
If someone in your life does not match all of the above, that does not mean you must cut them out of your life completely. It could mean just dialing back how much effort goes into the relationship. The relationship may die or it could be something you visit once in a while. Don't be afraid of losing people. It just makes more room for those who want to be around and are genuinely interested in you, and hopefully, you feel the same way towards them.
Ultimately, it is up to you and what kinds of friendships you feel would benefit you. What kind of people do you want to keep company with? What is important to you in a friendship?
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